i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
