Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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