quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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