So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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