It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
