I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
