Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
