Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I bet he comes in French.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
