Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize