grandma shit on top of the toilet
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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