This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
