by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize