I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
