i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize