i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
