i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
