so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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