I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
