I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
