ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
