Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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