No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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