He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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