he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
