Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
