i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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