Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
