i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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