U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
