If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
