i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
