I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
