the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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