Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
