oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just forgot I was standing up.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
