I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
