hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
