just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He passed out mid-signature
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
