I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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