hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
