I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
