It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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