I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
