I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
vagina is talking i cant
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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