I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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