Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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