We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
