chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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