I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
