my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
