im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
