you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
