Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
