i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
