If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
