yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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