lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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