can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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