i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
