Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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