dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
