i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize