She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
