Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
