Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Floor bacon is actually really good
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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