Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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