So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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