You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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