Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
