i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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