I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
