I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
