she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
