I just threw up on my dentist
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
