Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
