Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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