There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
