Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
