At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
