you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
